So I realize I haven’t blogged in a while, and there’s just no excuse. Well, actually there are plenty of excuses: illnesses, writing assignments, summer weather, other assignments, unbelievable amounts of spam, much of it unbelievable in its content, etc. Sometimes a girl just can’t be arsed to wade through the excrement of 218 sexually explicit comments and sexual enhancement adverts.

That’s right.

I’m a girl!

While I’m on that fact, let me address a few things, because there are at least two readers who seem to have entirely wrong ideas about who and/or what I am.

First, as I said, I am female. I always have been so. At least one of the several photos of me in my birthday blog entry should make that clear. If, for some reason, it does not completely convince or the context of that entry confused you, let me also assure you of my femininity here (hover over the picture for more text, if you must) :

Second, I am not, indeed, never I have been, Damian Kulash (Jr. or Sr.).

I suppose I should be a tiny bit flattered that someone compares my witty wordplay with the vernaKulash*, but I am not he, however hard I may rock.

And I do, indeed, rock.

Just not with a laser guitar.

Yes, my best friend plays the bass and lives in Los Angeles at the moment, but these days, she’s considered more of a world class cellist than a bad-ass bassist, she is half a foot taller than Timothy Nordwind, and she isn’t sporting a beard (of any sort). She is also female.

As am I. Got it? I hope so. Not that my gender has any great bearing on my writing.

I just don’t know what gives rise to internet illogic like, “She’s witty, she’s wordy, she posted a comment on an article about OK Go… She must be the singer! Masquerading as a female rock critic!” Sure, me and a thousand other music fans, sweetie.

Honestly, as far as Damian Kulash’s presence on this site, there are only two OK Go videos embedded. There’s more Damian in this single post than everywhere else combined! So I don’t know what you’re on about. There are absolutely no photos of him at all, cross-dressed, half nude, or otherwise (That’s Frida Kahlo, genius!).

Next, not only am I not a member of OK Go, but, at least currently … to my knowledge, I’m also not affiliated with anyone who is. Lamentably, to date, I’ve never even seen the band live in concert (Although, it is possible that I met DK a time or two in PDX in the ’90s, as I know we both knew some of the same people. I’m sure I crashed some likely parties.).

Additionally, I am not the writer some of my readers apparently think I am. Yes. I am a writer and rock journalist (also a publicist, and, obviously, a blogger). No, I am not old enough to have slept with Jim Morrison (dead before I was born, babe), nor am I young enough to fuck Jimmy Page. While I’m on the subject of rockers who date people younger than their own kids, I would like to assert that, even though I posted a Faces video on this blog, I am not, in fact, Ronnie Wood. I have met Ronnie. Briefly, it was, and only that once, but I was already past 20. So, you know, there’s nothing scintillating to report.

Are we all clear? Need a recap?

I AM a woman.
I’m NOT a man (cross-dressing, gender-confused, or otherwise, thanks very much).
I AM a writer.
I’m NOT an indie Rock Star.
I AM skilled with words.
I’m NOT the only one.
I AM someone who knows rock stars.
I’m NOT someone who knows OK Go, The Doors or Led Zeppelin
(Oh, wait. I do kind of know Robert Plant…alright, but I don’t know any of the others).
I AM in some of the photos posted on this site.
I’m NOT Fozzie Bear.

Now, perhaps we can get back to posts about music and such? A few weeks ago I was going to post my then-recent finds and recommendations for feel-good summer songs, but I got sidetracked by Subhumans (Dick was serenading us on the lobby piano…racking up the elusive, melodic variety of punk rock points!) and that post just kept getting pushed. It’s imminent now, I swear. As soon as this latest WordPress update stops letting so much spam seep through.

*See that little asterisk? It means that the term “vernaKulash” is my intellectual property, along with every original thing on this site, as outlined in my clearly stated, prominently posted, copyright notice above the counter on this page. That little asterisk is there as a visual reminder to those for whom reading comprehension is an archaic notion. I will seek you out and sue your asses to the fullest extent of copyright law if I find you use my work without permission or misappropriate it in any way. Just because it’s the internet, doesn’t mean I don’t own it.

As usual, all images and other media are the property of their respective owners. For this particular entry, I am the sole owner and creator of all content. However, I suppose I might take issue with some of my properties’ presence here some time in the future. If that happens, I’ll ask me nicely to delete them. Should that ever occur, this content will be removed, disappearing noisily into the night like a tour bus bound for Boston.